


Halos and Rings

by einsKai



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Afterlife, Amnesia, Angel!Tenn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Chinese translation now available, Dancing, GakuTenn Jesus Kai breaking the bread once again, Growing Old Together, Happy birthday Gaku, Light Angst, M/M, Memory Loss, Weddings, Written for Gaku's birthday 2018, at least the death isn't, but it's not sad or anything, memory recovery, so I'm not tagging it as a trigger I hope that's okay with you all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-25 12:57:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15641223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/einsKai/pseuds/einsKai
Summary: "Do we know each other?""Do you remember me?""No, it's just a feeling."





	Halos and Rings

**Author's Note:**

> It's Gaku's birthday and I love Gaku so here. Gaku.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Edit, 22/08/18: There's a [Chinese translation](https://media.weibo.cn/article?id=2309404274529861023925&jumpfrom=weibocom) by [Asami960521](https://twitter.com/Asami960521?s=09) on Twitter! If you speak Chinese check them out and leave some love, I'm sure a lot of work went into the translation!

Gaku hadn't imagined dying to be this... calm.

He didn't remember how he died, but since he didn't remember anything but his name, Yaotome Gaku, at the moment that was alright with him.

But what was really surprising to him was the wide area in front of him. It wasn’t something he had expected to find in death.  
It looked a little like when one looks out of the window of a plane and sees the clouds from above. Very bright, very white, and most importantly very fluffy. Gaku liked it.

"Welcome", a clear voice behind him said, "Welcome to the afterlife. I am your counsellor, Tenn. I am what you would call an angel on earth. I too have been a human in my previous life but I decided to put my time here to use and help people like you to find their place in the afterlife. Do not worry, your memories will return after time, but you do not have them at the moment to ensure your perfect integration into the afterlife. I will now guide you to your room that you can use however you would like to. What is your name?"

Gaku turned around and came face to face with a man. He would have been shorter than Gaku if he hadn't been levitating in the air with help of the large white-feathered wings that grew out of his back.  
His hair was almost white, his eyes were a light pink and there was a blindingly white ring of light floating above his head. A halo.  
A feeling of déjà vu overcame Gaku.

"Do we know each other?", he asked the man.

"Do you remember me?", the man, or angel, called Tenn asked. His voice sounded like underneath the cold, almost sarcastic tone there was another emotion, hidden and also visible on his face when Gaku had turned around and looked at him for the first time. It had only been there for a split second so Gaku could have been wrong.

"No, it's just a feeling", Gaku said and tried to ignore his heart fluttering, "But it's not like I remember anyone or anything at the moment."

"Then we do not know each other", Tenn said and turned around, "Please follow me."

 

 

Gaku followed Tenn over the white area. It was a long walk, even though Tenn wasn't really walking but floating beside him, but it wasn't exhausting at all. Made sense. He was dead. How horribly annoying would it be if even in death one would get exhausted?

Finally they arrived at a building. It looked out of place in the white, irreal world. Too normal.

Tenn led him to an elevator and soft music played while they rode it up into the eighth floor.  
Gaku hummed along to the tune that seemed familiar. He couldn't place it though. Probably also a lost memory...

"I recognize this song", Tenn said when they stepped out of the elevator, "Do you know its name?"

Gaku shook his head. "Shouldn't you know the name of the song? Aren't you the one who works here?"

"The music you hear in the elevator is subjective. Even if I heard a song it wouldn't be the same one you hear", the angel said and guided Gaku along a floor of seemingly endless rooms, "The song you heard just now is probably a song that meant a lot to you in your life, in one way or another."

"So it also helps me to remember my life?", Gaku followed him.

"Possibly. Some people immediately have flashbacks as soon as they step into the elevator."

"I don't belong to those kinds of people then", Gaku said. He didn't know if he was relieved or sad about this fact.  
Would remembering his life be pleasant? He didn't really feel like he would have anything he would regret remembering, but he couldn't be sure about that at the moment, because he literally didn't remember.

"Do not worry", Tenn said and came to a halt in front of a white door. The numbers on the door marked it as 899, the 99th room on the 8th floor, "Most people start regaining memories in their dreams, starting with their first night here. I have a feeling that you will belong to them."

He opened the door and revealed a spacious room with a king sized bed and a couch. There was a small bookshelf and stereo equipment along with a collection of various titles of various artists on CD and records.  
Gaku felt at home in this room, an unexplainable feeling to him, hadn’t he just entered it for the first time in his life? Or death, when he thought about it.

When he took a step into the direction of the shelf he saw that a bunch of empty picture frames were placed on top of it.

"Why are they empty?", he asked.

"They are not empty", Tenn said, "You just don't remember their contents yet. They will fill out gradually as you remember the events they depict."

Now Gaku saw it too. The pictures were mostly white, but in some he could make out silhouettes of people or buildings.

"Can you see them?", he turned around to the angel, who seemed a little lost in thought.

"I do", he answered, "I work here after all."

The angel turned around and walked towards the door. "I will leave you to yourself now", he said, "If you need me just say my name, I will be there. If you do not call me I will see you tomorrow morning, when I will show you the rest of the area."

With that the door shut behind him and Gaku was left alone in the ghost of a room.  
He knelt down to look at the books that were nearly lined up on the shelf, but none of them had titles yet and when Gaku randomly pulled some out he saw that there was no text inside of them either. The same went for the music, there were no titles or covers and when he put on one of the CDs all he could hear was white noise.

 

To still keep himself busy somehow, Gaku sat down on the couch and used the remote he found on it. The wall panels in front of the sofa opened up like in a science fiction movie and a TV screen was revealed. A list of channels was displayed on the screen and Gaku could choose of several human TV channels, though some of their names were obscured and he couldn't select them, and an abysmal amount of movies and TV Shows that seemed to go on forever, though even there he found some that he couldn’t select. The movies and TV-Shows probably did go on forever, this was the afterlife after all.

Gaku selected a channel that was available to him and the studio of a news show appeared. It seemed to be the middle of the news segment.

"...caused a storm of heartbreaking messages on various internet platforms, which is surprising, since the retirement of the group he was part of was a good 45 years ago. Still, a lot of fans honoured his death with a tweet or a message. The funeral will be on next Friday, as Tsunashi Ryuunosuke, the last remaining member of TRIGGER, announced."

Gaku felt like someone had punched him in the face.

While the person on the screen went on to talk about the stock marked he felt dizzy. Something about this news and these names, Tsunashi Ryuunosuke, TRIGGER, there was something about them that made a feeling inside of him arise. He couldn't place it and that made him angry.

Quickly he shut off the TV and made his way to the bed, where he laid down.

A heaviness in his chest made him feel something incredibly negative and before he started thinking about it too much Gaku turned the lights off and fell into a deep sleep.

 

_"I miss you", a voice whispered in his dream. Something touched his cheek and he wanted to open his eyes but couldn't do it. As if frozen he had to remain still in his bed while the hand softly caressed his face. It felt good, familiar even, the cool touch of skin on skin, intimate._

_"Come back to me."_

_The voice sounded desperate now, still nothing but a whisper, but it was definitely there and in pain._

_Something tugged in his chest and he felt the need to comfort the person who was so sad, but he couldn't move, like it often was in dreams.  
Gaku had never regretted not being able to move this much._

_"Remember...", the voice breathed and with that it was gone, the touch was gone and the person was gone too._

_Gaku found himself on a podium, he was extremely nervous and wearing a suit, there was an audience and a priest and there was his mother in the audience, giving him a thumbs up - his father hadn't come to his wedding because he was "too busy", right his father and mother were divorced, wouldn't his marriage be the same, they do say 'like father, like son'-_

 

Gaku startled awake. The lights he could see through the window told him that it was the next day already.

This dream had been his wedding day. He was married. But to whom was he married? Was his spouse the one who had spoken to him before the dream started? Were they dead already too?

Before Gaku could solve this problem there was a knock on the door and Tenn came into the room.

“Good morning”, he said. He didn’t look like he had changed at all from yesterday; he was still wearing the exact same outfit as yesterday, the same wings and the same halo.

“Morning”, Gaku greeted back, “I had dreams.”

“How unusual”, Tenn dead-panned, “Did you remember anything specific?”

Again there was an undertone is his voice that Gaku didn’t really understand yet, but maybe that was just how Tenn talked. At least Gaku hoped that that was what it was and not something else that was important for the understanding of the situation.

“I’m married”, Gaku said and unconsciously held his left hand up to show his wedding ring, that wasn’t-

“Woah, what is my ring doing here?”

Tenn chuckled. “Some physical items like wedding rings appear after memories of their circumstances resurface. Congratulations”, he turned around, “Would you follow me to get breakfast now?”

Gaku nodded and followed Tenn into the elevator again. The same song as yesterday played and this time, not only the melody but also the lyrics sounded in Gaku’s head. He mouthed along with them and Tenn cocked his head in question.

“I remember the lyrics too now”, Gaku said, “Strange, I don’t remember dreaming of them.”

“Not all memories come in violent flashbacks. You probably remember a lot of things already, but are not aware of it yet. Try remembering the title of the song.”

Gaku thought about it for a second, before his face lit up with a smile when he remembered: “It’s called ‘Up to the nines’! I’m sure of it. So that’s a song that meant a lot to me…”

Pain, happiness and relief flickered over Tenn’s face when Gaku said the title, but before he could comment on it the elevator stopped and the door opened to a hall full of people.  
Hundreds or thousands of tables in row after rows, so far that Gaku couldn’t see the other end of the room, and lots of people and angels, who were eating, talking, laughing. On the wall that Gaku could see there was a buffet with all food one could imagine and he stood in the entrance for a moment, flabbergasted, until a small hand on his back forced him to take some steps forward.

“It is amazing, I know”, the angel said, “You can get a plate and silverware over here. Chopsticks too, if you prefer that.”

 

After they had both gotten food and sat down at one of the tables Gaku looked at the people surrounding them. Was his spouse here already? Were they dead?

His looking around was noticed by Tenn.

“What are you searching for?”, he asked.

“I was just thinking if I maybe knew anyone here”, Gaku said, “And how would I find them, if I did? There’s like, billions of people who died already, right?”

Tenn nodded in thought, “It is possible to get room numbers of friends and family as soon as one has regained all of their memories. Who are you looking for specifically?”

“My spouse. I’d like to know if they’re still alive or already dead too. I want to make sure they’re doing well.”

“Do you have any idea who your spouse is yet?”, Tenn asked.

“No, but I bet they’re beautiful”, Gaku eyed a blonde woman who walked past them.

“That does sound like something you’d say”, the angel mumbled under his breath.

“What did you say?”, Gaku asked, but Tenn didn’t answer.

“You will find out soon enough”, Tenn said, “Is there anything else that you would like to know?”

Gaku thought for a moment and remembered the news show from the evening.

“What is TRIGGER? And who is Tsunashi Ryuunosuke?”

Tenn almost choked on his drink. Gaku was surprised that angels were so human in their behavior.

“Why are you asking?”

“It was on the news yesterday. Someone died and it had to do with TRIGGER and Tsunashi Ryuunosuke. I felt something when I heard it, but I don’t know how to categorize that feeling.”

The angel sighed and put his chopsticks down. “TRIGGER was an idol group. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke is one of the members. That’s all I can tell you.”

Gaku hummed in thought. “Maybe I was a fan”, he said then, “And I felt bad because one of the members died. Because that was what the news was about, probably.”

“The biggest fan”, Tenn mumbled, but before Gaku could react he quickly changed the topic, “Have any of the pictures in your room filled out yet?”

“I didn’t have time to check yet”, he answered, “I’ll look at them later.”

Tenn nodded. “I would like to show you the gardens and sports facilities today. Is that alright with you or would you like time to yourself, or do something else?”

“No, I’m fine with anything”; Gaku said.

“Good.”

 

 

After breakfast Tenn took Gaku to a different elevator. The same song played again though, so except for the different pattern on the walls nothing really was different. Their destination was a park – the gardens as Tenn had called them – and quietly the two of them walked through it.  
Thousands or millions of flowers grew in groups or alone and Gaku spotted groups of trees, grown naturally or to look like they were natural from time to time. A variety of fruit trees and other crop plants were there too. Eventually they arrived at a resting place. A lawn with white, cloud-like seats scattered across it. They looked comfortable and Tenn suggested that they’d take a break here.

Their conversation on the walk had been light and only about things that had to do with the gardens, about the plants and the way they were harvested. Gaku noticed that Tenn had been right about not all memories being returning in flashbacks, because he found that he had vast knowledge on the language and alphabet of flowers and flowers in general. Gaku felt like it had to do with his spouse as well, maybe he had courted them with flowers. No he definitely had, he remembered it now.

“I made bouquets for my spouse”, he said when he sat down in one of the soft seats, “I went to a flower shop and learned how to make them, and then I made them myself. I felt like it would be better than buying flowers. More personal.”

“Did they like it?”, the angel asked. He was still standing, or rather floating, and Gaku felt like the question was a rhetorical one, what didn’t keep him from answering.

“I’m sure they did. Who would refuse a self-made bouquet from someone as hot as me?”

“Oh shut up.”

The cloud underneath him dissolved when Tenn poked it with his finger and Gaku fell to the floor, his confident and smug expression forming into one of surprise.

A laugh made him look up and he felt his heartbeat pick up when he saw Tenn laugh. The angel’s face scrunched up like this, his hand half covering his mouth as he laughed and small tears forming at the corner of his eyes from laughing – it made Gaku extremely happy and he smiled too, so much that his cheeks began hurting.

“Are you sure you chose the right job?”, he asked, “Shouldn’t you have horns and a tail rather than wings and a halo you little devil?”

Before he could laugh at his own joke a jab of pain in his own heart made him flinch.

 

 _A bed in a hospital, someone’s imprint had been left on the covers, a fresh bouquet of flowers in a vase next to the bed, old hands,_ his _hands, gripping the cold metal of the bed. Someone was gone, someone died.  
A coffin, a grave, new flowers, silent tears on his face, a strong, reassuring hand on his back, this is his friend, who is helping him stay strong at his spouse’s, his husbands funeral-_

 

Gaku returned to reality, the violent flashback left a ringing in his ears, but slowly he recovered and was greeted by Tenn’s worried face.

“Flashback”, he mumbled, “My husband is dead, definitely. Sickness. But we were both old so it was expected… He had a great funeral.”

“Your husband is dead too?”, Tenn asked, “It is good that you remember that now. That is important information and if you remember a little more I can arrange for you to be able to meet with him.”

“Thanks”, Gaku said and stood up. He felt his heart clench at all the memories he regained just now, “We lived together in a house. We have a daughter and she’s… She is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to us. I love them both so much, it almost hurts... I remember her first birthday now. We had ordered a cake, because we both aren’t that good at cooking and she punched it with her tiny fist. In the end everything and everyone was covered in frosting. We have so many pictures of that day, it was hilarious.”

Gaku looked up and the expression on Tenn’s face was a weird one. Gaku didn’t really understand it, but Tenn looked like he was about to cry. Why would Tenn look like this when it didn’t affect him in any way?

Tenn seemed to notice his expression confused Gaku, because he turned around and hid himself. He straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat. “We should continue to the sports facilities. We will pass the amusement park on our way there, but it is nothing but an ordinary amusement park, so we do not have to go there and behind it are the halls for volleyball and basketball and all the other ball sports, then there’s studios for dancing and...”

Gaku listened to the angel ramble, seemingly to distract himself and Gaku, and again this feeling of déjà vu that he had gotten often when interacting with Tenn.

“Who are you really?”, he asked, “And who am I to you? You know me, right? And I knew you.”

Tenn shut up.

“I cannot tell you any of that if you do not remember yourself”, he said then, his shoulders straightening, “We should stop for today. You can find the way back on your own. You also know where you can get food if you need it. I will see you tomorrow.”

With that the angel turned invisible, or teleported, or did something else angels did, and disappeared.

Gaku was left alone, still standing on the lawn and feeling like he ruined something very important.

 

It was already turning dark when Gaku returned to his room. He had wandered through the garden on his own after Tenn left him and only then he had made his way back to the building.

Up to the nines playing in the elevator sounded like it was mocking him while he went up to his room. He still couldn’t hear the vocals, though the lyrics were very present in his head.

In his room he stood in front of the photographs. A surprising lot of them had filled out already.

There was one from his wedding day, his mother next to him. He was smiling happily and next to him a smaller man stood, his face still obscured. His husband had been wearing a white suit with a pink tie on their wedding and Gaku remembered that he had thought that he had never seen anyone look this beautiful in anything. He had also teased him about it later. Of course he had, that was their relationship. His husband had teased him back for his dark grey suit with the silver tie. Way too dramatic, as always, he had said, the tie blinded me when I walked down the aisle.

The next picture had been taken on the day of the birth of their daughter. Gaku was holding the small baby, who was sleeping in the picture, and he looked tired, but happy. Surely his husband next to him was looking just as tired, even more tired probably, but Gaku couldn’t see that. Yet.

Another picture was of her first birthday, the image he had remembered in the park. More pictures of him with his daughter followed, her first day of school, her graduation, and other stepping stones in her life. He had been pretty old in life Gaku concluded, when his daughter was an adult already.

But before his marriage and after his parents divorced all the pictures stayed blank.

This must have been the time in his life when he had gotten to know his husband. And Gaku just couldn’t remember anything about it.

He sat down on the bed and examined his wedding ring.

A simple golden band, no stones or anything on the outside. That had been his husband’s idea, surely.  
But inside the ring there was an engraving. The date of their marriage, the 28th of July, and a frequency. Gaku remembered that he got the frequency of his husband saying “I love you Gaku” and his husband got Gaku saying the same for him.  
It was romantic and cheesy but simple, so Gaku could convince his husband to do it.

Putting the ring on again he walked over to the music shelf.

Some of the CD covers had colour now, so he pulled one off the shelf, only to almost drop it.

His own face and that of a tall, brown haired man looked at him. TRIGGER’s Tsunashi Ryuunosuke and his best friend, his brain supplied, and TRIGGER’s Yaotome Gaku. The member of the group TRIGGER who had died was him. He had seen the report about his own death on the news.

The third member wasn’t visible, but he was smaller than both of them and Gaku was remembering more and more about his time with TRIGGER by the second, how they had formed, how they had overcome different struggles together with each other, how they had cried and laughed and partied together… The mysterious third member was his husband. He was sure of it now.

Another flashback hit him when he put the CD back onto the shelf.

_An aggressive kiss right after a perfect concert, him being pushed into a wall and the both of them kissing feverishly while they were still high on stage-excitement, Ryuu had walked in on them holding each other, closer than they had ever been before after that kiss and walked out of the dressing room backwards, sending awkward finger guns at Gaku, together with a lopsided grin and a mumbled “Momo and I won the bet”. Gaku had ignored that and had just been thankful for Ryuu locking the door to TRIGGER’s dressing room, while he calmed his breathing with his newly acquired boyfriend’s head tucked under his chin, Gaku stroking his hair._

The melody of Up to the nines sounded in his head again and he felt a headache creeping up his temples and Gaku also remembered what this was now, a solo song sung by his husband for his birthday, it had been a collaboration with different other idol groups and why couldn’t Gaku just remember the name and face of his own husband, he felt like he remembered his whole life except for that small detail, why was that? It was the only thing he wanted at the moment.

Exhausted from the flashbacks and the argument with Tenn earlier Gaku fell asleep.

 

_“He’ll be alright”, an aged Ryuu said and patted Gaku’s shoulder, “He got surgery before. It will fix his leg. Nothing bad will happen.”_

_“I dreamt about the surgery Ryuu”, Gaku answered, “Something is going to happen and I’d rather carry him around with my own two arms for the rest of our lives than lose him.”_

_“And Tenn would rather not have you carry him around. He wants to walk again. He wants to dance again. That’s why he’s undergoing that surgery. He’s not too old for it yet, so he’s doing it now. You two talked about this already, why are you still arguing?”_

_“Because I didn’t have dreams about him_ dying _before!”_

_Ryuu closed his mouth and breathed in again. “Listen Gaku. Nothing is going to happen during that surgery. You will get your Tenn back alive and well. Do you hear me?”_

_Gaku had heard Ryuu, but that didn’t change the outcome of the surgery._

_It failed. Tenn still wasn’t able to walk properly and the wound didn’t want to close. It couldn’t heal anymore. There was no explanation that Gaku could or wanted to understand, but that didn’t change the fact that Tenn had to stay at the hospital. Gaku spent most his days there, his daughter coming to visit them on the weekends._

_Tenn died in the hospital a few months later._

 

Gaku jerked awake.  
Tenn, he thought, Tenn, the same angel who was guiding him in this world… He was Gaku’s husband. That was why he reacted so strangely to some of Gaku’s memories.  
That was why he almost cried when he talked about their daughter, that was why he blocked any attempt to uncover his identity.

Gaku smiled. Finally the last piece that he had actively been missing had returned to him.

His suspicion was confirmed when he looked at the pictures. All of them had filled out, Tenn’s smile on their wedding made Gaku’s heart flutter and his hair being sticky from the frosting on their daughter’s birthday made him smile.

Now he only had to tell the angel and-

Gaku grinned. No, he had a better idea.

He walked over to the music shelf and picked a very specific record from the shelf. All the music and books seemed to have filled out at this point too and he made a mental note to go through them and actively regain memories later, but now this was more important right now.

He turned the automatic record player on and the first soft notes began to play.

A knock on his door made him stop the music.

On the other side stood Tenn and seeing him for the first time after he remembered him felt amazing. Gaku’s heart was beating hard in his chest, but he tried to not let it show.

“I have to apologize for my behaviour in the park”, the angel said apologetically, “I let myself go and-“

“Come in”, Gaku interrupted him and grabbed his wrist, “I don’t need apologies, we’re already in the afterlife. No time to be holding grudges, right?”

“…You are correct”, Tenn said and followed his lead.

“So, Tenn”, Gaku said when he had come in and closed the door behind him, “How about a dance?”

He pressed play and Re:Vale’s cover of ‘Love Song’ by Sambomaster played.

The surprised expression on Tenn’s face when he turned around was almost worth not seeing him for years.

His husband took his hand and when he did his halo and wings disappeared, just like the white clothes and Tenn was wearing casual clothes Gaku knew from their idol days.

“So you finally remember?”, Tenn asked when they took their positions and slowly began to dance.

“I do”, Gaku said.

“And you thought it was a good idea to tell me by playing the song Momo-san and Yuki-san performed on our wedding and making me dance with you?”

“I did, yes”, Gaku said and smiled.

Tenn’s hand in his felt warm and Gaku noticed the ring that matched his press into his right hand.

“We can move in together now”, Tenn said, “There are bigger rooms for couples, we can request your stuff being moved and-“

“Tenn”, Gaku interrupted him, “Take a breath.”

“Sorry. I have been waiting for you for years, you know. And seeing you not remembering me… It was bad. I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

The song ended and the two stayed, moving a little closer to each other, embracing.

“I’m home”, Gaku whispered into the almost silent room, where only their breaths could be heard.

Another memory flashed in his mind, their hands entangled like they were now while they were walking on a beach promenade, their daughter picking at stranded jellyfish a little ahead, and Tenn softly humming a tune.

“I’m home, Tenn.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it :D
> 
> If you want to scream at me about anything you can do so on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/eins__kai) or [tumblr](https://einskai.tumblr.com/)~
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
> \- Kai


End file.
